Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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