Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
