He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
