I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
