Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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