he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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