I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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