I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
