I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was a blind-side dick pic.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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