Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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