If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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