I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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