he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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