Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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