just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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