I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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