i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
