he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
