Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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