it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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