woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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