Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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