HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize