this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
