If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
