LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
