Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
