Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was confusing and full of hummus
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
