if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
