All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
