I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
