wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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