Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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