in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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