omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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