I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Someone signed my nipple.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize