If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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