i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ttyl tear gas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize