I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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