You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
