What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
