the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
