I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
