I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
