I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We left the knife in your bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
