your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
