i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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