i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
