there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
did i walk over a car last night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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