I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
