Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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