hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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