So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
