Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
don't judge my taste in strippers
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
