and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
