i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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