well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
