Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
