she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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