6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
