You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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