She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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