i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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