Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need a beard to bite.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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