then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
