So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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