My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
