It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
